Walking Blindly Towards The Sun

Today, I turn forty-one years old. One year ago, on my fortieth birthday, I climbed Mt. Ripinsky in Haines, Alaska with our son, Noah, Sanctus founder and missionary, Amy Nash, two of her children, Mason and Christian, and Stone to Flesh fulltime missionaries, Teah Major and Vince Munoz.

During that climb, the mountain was covered in a dense, thick fog. In my heart, I laughed at God’s sense of humor. For several years, I had prayed to the Lord, and still frequently do, for clarity and to help me see what His next steps are for me. I had felt, and still often do, that as I attempted to follow Jesus and the Holy Spirit, I was walking blindly.

I certainly walked blindly as I climbed that mountain on my fortieth! I could hardly see ten feet in front of me! At times, taking the next steps felt a bit scary, but also thrilling and bold. It was possible that we would see a bear around any corner! Still, I was growing in courage, and loving the journey.

It seemed to me that as I entered a new decade, God was telling me that walking blindly was part of the adventure, and part of the way He wants me to grow in discipleship.

Jesus has shown me that as I am attempting to follow in His footsteps, I have a strong tendency to want to peak around Him to see what is coming ahead. He seems to be saying,

Nope. You don’t need to see what’s coming. I’ve got it covered.
Just trust Me and do your best.
Keep your eyes on Me, and you’ll be fine.

I’m not very good at that.

But as I try to follow Him more closely, to trust Him more and more, to give Him all of my heart and all of my life, to surrender more completely, He likes to surprise me.

It is still a surprise to me that a little over a year ago, Jason and I became the directors of Sanctus. It certainly wasn’t something we planned on, but when we were asked, we both immediately knew our answer was yes. After years of praying that God might show us how we can best serve Him and help to build His kingdom, it seemed that we were being shown the next step.

Another surprise happened earlier this year. Because of our work with the Congolese Integration Network and Heart for Congo, we had the wonderful opportunity to host a Congolese refugee mother and her five children in our home for three months. We learned so much, loved so much, and were changed so much. We witnessed the Sanctus community come together with incredible generosity and love for this family in need.

This summer, we have been delighted to watch God move the hearts of Sanctus community members to help offer School of the Heart in the north Seattle area, something I’ve been dreaming of since I took my first Stone to Flesh class in March of 2020, back at the very beginning of Covid. My heart is joyful, expectant.

We are all called to this adventure of discipleship. Can you see how Jesus wants to lead you to your next steps, or is it a bit foggy? If you are interested in School of the Heart being part of your journey, you can find out more here and register here. Also feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

I cannot always see what Jesus’ next steps are for us, or where He is leading us, but I know I will follow, even though it means I am walking blindly. I certainly stumble many times a day. He doesn’t seem to mind. Thank goodness.

He is my Light, my Sun, my Source of Life, my Everything. All glory and honor and praise be to Him.

Eucharistia -
A poem of thanksgiving

I swallowed the Sun.
He willingly entered my mouth
For me to consume, whole.
He dissolved within me.
Now I can feel His warmth
Radiate internally.
My heart is drawn to His light
And in His ever knowing time,
He brings on the seasons of my life.
Each morn He rises within me.
Even in the dark, He still resides.
My interior is forever
Changed by His Presence,
The cells of His being
Transforming mine.
I become more of Him
And more myself at the same time.
I am filled with His light,
And through me He shines.